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Two oboists playing in perfect unison.
What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.
What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
How do you know when the stage is level ?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth ..
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them.
How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much
better they could've done it.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."
How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.
What do call a successful musician?
A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs.
Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...
the other was a guitar player as well ..
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
How can you tell which kid on the playground is the trombone player's kid?
He doesn,t know how to work the slide and he can,t swing!
What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
The country singer might've been on his way to a recording session.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
"Year-at-a-glance"
"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don't return it.
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions?
An in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.
A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ... The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"
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