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A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
Whats the best thing to play on a stand up bass?
Solitaire.
How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb ?
He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on ?
He caressed it softly and told it that he lover it.
Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..
Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..
One string bass player was so bad, even his section noticed.
What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
The coffin has the corpse inside.
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to re-train the cellists.
Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?
He turned a peg and wouldn't tell him which one.
How long does a harp stay in tune?
About twenty minutes, or until someone opens the door.
How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
Sit in the back and don't play.
What's the difference between a violist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why are violins smaller than violas?
They really are the same size, but the violinists' heads are bigger.
What's the difference between a cello and a viola?
The cello burns longer.
Did you hear about the violist who bragged he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
What do violists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Why are a violinist fingers like lightning?
They rarely strike the same spot twice.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
Why is a violinist like a scud missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage ?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
What's the difference between violists and terrorists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100.00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"
.At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is playing his horn. He starts to play a beautiful ballad. He then notices that the lion starts to get sleepy and eventually goes to sleep. He grabs the lion, bags him and throws him in the back of his truck.
He goes a little further and sees another lion. Again he plays a beautiful ballad and again the lion falls asleep. This goes on all afternoon. The trumpet player has about 99 lions in his truck when he sees another.
He says "What the heck, one more won't hurt". He starts to play his ballad and notices that the lion is not paying any attention to him so he starts to play louder. The lion starts to run toward the trumpet player. The trumpet player starts to play faster and faster but the lion keeps coming toward him. The lion jumps on the trumpet player and eats him.
One of the lions on the truck turns to another lion and says, "I told you that when he gets to the deaf one the gig would be over".
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